||[Jul. 3rd, 2004|08:19 pm]
|||||So Far Away - Staind||]|
I just want to cry. I hate asking people to help me all the time. I'm like always asking for rides here and there. It seems like I can never help my friends though or at least they never ask me to help. They always turn to other people. They critisize me for my choices then go and do the same stupid things I do and come back asking for help. I tell them I did that and make them remember all the things they said when I did it and they do it anyway and come back asking for help. I hate to be mean to them, but how many times should I let them come back? Seriously, it's wearing me down. I don't know how much longer I will be able to tolerate people before I break. The worst part is when I ask for favors from people, they make it seem like it's a tedious task, like they don't want to do it. They seem hateful that I need help, yet when they need help I'm there for them. Maybe I am just being over dramatic, but I'm not sure how I will handle this week up in Washington with a bunch of people I don't partiularly like. I like a few people, but some I can't stand. I really don't know what to do. I want to just lay down and cry. I wish I could go back to the California trip and just stay with those people and there forever. I want to go back to the Friday nights where I would be outside the band room crying before a football game, the Friday nights where Josh would come and sit and talk. He made me feel so much better. I don't know what it is about him. He didn't even need to say anything. He just needed to be there. I wish he was here now. Something about Josh just made me feel safe and comforted. Why does he have to be going out with Patti? No guy has ever really been like him. I donno if any guy will be. Well...I should go. I need to rinse my face and pretend like everything is okay some more. Bye.